Pokémon and the Herald Shawl, of course.

I told you, the brain fog of depressive episodes has a death grip on my want to write blog posts. On my want to knit any real projects really. I've just been knitting real slowly. Really, really slowly. Mostly I've been making a lot of headway on the Herald Shawl. It's turning out really lovely and it's going to mean so much to me and it's turning out that I love shawl knitting so much.

I finished rereading the entire Harry Potter series, ending with the Cursed Child. I love that series so much. It means so much to me. 

I started reading The Ocean at The End of The Lane by Neil Gaiman. I needed a little fantasy and magic in my life. 

And my sister and I have been playing a lot of Pokémon lately. We've been chaining for shiny Pokémon and today since The Husbando is off we are watching the Pokémon Diamond and Pearl anime. It's really been a lot of fun and super soothing. My alpha sapphire team is coming along nicely and I have a shiny poochyena named Butterscotch!! 

It may seem silly or childish but the Herald Shawl and Pokémon are what have been helping me through the brain fog this time. I'm really thankful for them. 

I'm sure soon it'll be time to come out of the dark woods in my brain. Hang in there folks, I'll be back to regular posting soon! X

Have a silly picture of my cutie pies for now:

P.S I'd also really like to thank the Fingerless Friends CAL group and my knitting friends, they are the best and they always make me laugh and smile everyday. You all are the best. 

It's Been a While: Darkness.

I know I haven't been too good at updating lately. Or being a friend. Or staying in touch.

I've been struggling with my mental health. I think I'm crashing into a depressive episode and I'm finding it hard to want to do anything, I'm finding it hard to find motivation. It's like there is a large swallowing hole inside me. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. I'm sorry.

I've been working here and there on some knitting projects. A bit on my mom's snow day slippers a bit on my  sister's mistake rib scarf, I cast on for The Husbando's birthday mitts. But none of these things light a fire inside of me. They're work. I force myself to do a little every morning. I know I'll love the end product and I'll love giving them to their owners, but I don't know.

It's a deep emptiness lately.

I've been filling it with two things. Reading and knitting the Herald Shawl.

I've been rereading Harry Potter and Darkness is My Only Companion a Christian Response to Mental Illness. I find both are very helpful in guiding me out of my own "darkness." The latter is extremely well written and a very good read for anyone who has bipolar disorder and is Christian. Or is mentally ill for that matter.

The Herald Shawl seems to be the only thing holding my interest in knitting lately. I knit my hopes, my thoughts, my sadness into it. I knit my dust ration out onto it. I knit and think through everything.

I knit it and think through my resentment about how I've been told I can't have babies because of my bipolar disorder and ocd. I knit it and cry. I knit it and feel better. I knit it and smile and laugh and play video games with my sister and The Husbando and feel like the sun will shine tomorrow. I knit it when I curl up on the kitchen floor overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and am convinced the sun won't shine tomorrow. Either way, every day at least one repetition of the 8 rows gets knit. And it's helping me, A LOT. 

And it'll pass. The darkness. It always does. I probably messed up taking my medication once or twice this week, and need to be more careful about that. But I know it'll pass. I'm stronger than the darkness. My God is a brighter light than the darkness. 

Until then, bare with my fewer updates. I'll try to be better at it. Xo. 

Herald Shawl and Monday

It's Monday! I'm so tired. My head hurts. But today is The Husbando's first day at his new job, woo!! Send him prayers and good vibes for a good first week!!

I worked on the Mistake Rib Scarf for my sister for Christmas this morning, before making her lunch and before chasing one of our chickens as they got loose. Never a dull day on the homestead!

The Bulky Wool of the Andes is a dream to knit with, it's so soft and lovely. It'll make a great scarf for my sister. 

Yesterday I also started the Herald Shawl, which is my first Not-A-Rectangle shawl ever. I'm using a Caron Cake in Blueberry Cheesecake. 

This pattern is so easy and so lovely and I am loving the yarn. It's soft, a dream to work with, and doesn't split. And this shawl is representing a lot of emotions for me. I'm working through a lot of mixed feelings while knitting it.

It's like, I'm finally fully an adult. We're getting a bank account with our names. We're married. We're getting life insurance. We think about those things. We do bills. 

We're happy spending our nights cuddled in bed talking and watching food network and cheesey TV. 

This is so different then the life I was living a year or two ago. So different than when The Husbando worked at a bar. Then when we lived in a city. 

Everything is different. And I love it. But this is a new life, a new chapter, and I barely recognize this new life. 

It's just been hitting me lately with my birthday coming up, with the one year of living here mark coming up.

And I started this week's Dishcloth Weekly Knit a Long Mystery Cloth.

Finished Projects, Family Outings, and Seven or More WIPs.

Since I've decided to take a break from knitting the second mitt, I'm going to show you my finished Honey Cowl and the one matching mitt!!

I'm really proud of the cowl, the mitt is a bit tight on the top but I like it too! 

I also finished the Waffle Dishcloth as one of my mom's set for Christmas. 

I added 3 rows of garter to the top and bottom and three knit stitches to the side to make a garter border! It turned out pretty, I don't see the waffle. Dunno why. Really gotta figure that out. 

Life has been SO SO BUSY lately. It's hard to keep up with everything. I feel like I'm juggling fine china and just about to drop it all! It's a wee bit stressful. 

My parents surprised us all and took us too an apple orchard and Starbucks this weekend though! It was a LOT of fun! I love hanging out with my family and doing fall themed things! 

We got Honey Crisp apples, cheese that has tomato and basil in it, candy sticks, honey sticks for tea, and apple cider slushies. At Starbucks I got a pumpkin spice Frappuccino and cake pop! 

And when I got home I had a package from Tory from ThePaupersCloset/ShireFolkYarn!! 

So many goodies!!! Coffee syrup (the Rhode Island thing haha!), handmade soap, a Caron Cake, the section of her traveling scarf, and A BEAUTIFULLY DYED JUST FOR ME YARN!!!!! 

It's so soft and lovely and is named Experiment 626 Has Escaped! It's based of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch in his Prison suit with his alien blaster. 

It's SO GORGEOUS. I AM IN LOVE WITH IT. SO MUCH. TORY IS AMAZING AND HAS A GIFT. A TRUE ARTIST. I am blessed to have her as a pen pal and friend. 

I also have a WIP problem right now haha.

I have....seven current Works In Progress. 

Seven. 

I have the Snow Day Slippers for my mom for Christmas, which has one slipper done and the cuff of the second one. 

The Fingerless Friends CAL mitts that match my honey cowl, which has one done but has 0 done on the second one. I'm still on the fence about the second one which is why I'm taking a break. 

Nell's Sea Silk Scarf which I love but I need to sit down and focus on to knit so it ends up on the back burner a lot.

Dishcloths for my mom (assorted) one at a time.

The section of the traveling scarf for Tory (I have such a good idea for this, but I can't start it until October 1st I think!) 

My sister's Mistake Rib Scarf for Christmas, which I started on the drive to the orchard. 

And of course, because I can't resist casting things on. I need to start a new project right away with the Caron Cake. I'm starting a shawl with it, Herald! 

And this morning I learned how to cook scrambled eggs! So I made the husband a big breakfast since he starts his first day of his new job tomorrow! 

Hash browns with honey crisp apples onions and bell peppers, toast, scrambled eggs with cheese that has tomato and basil in it! 

Phew. I think that's all I had to update. Today I'm just taking it easy and playing video games. 

Finished Honey Cowl And Mitts!

I finished the Honey Cowl, cast off and weaved in the ends and everything! I've decided you all can't see it until the matching fingerless mitts are done! But here is a sneak peek!

And so today I picked back up my Fingerless Friends CAL Mitts deciding to add a middle bit that was a matching pattern to the Honey cowl. I really want to have them done by Saturday when we go out as a family but who knows! 

Today has been a good day! Lots of chores, relaxing, reading, and a big breakfast made by The Husbando. Hash browns with honeycrisp apples, bell peppers, and onions with maple syrup drizzled on top and a big mug of pumpkin spice coffee. 

I'll tell you what though, since knitting with double pointed needles and small portable projects it's not helping with me using knitting to stop smoking! Now I can smoke while knitting! And it was helping before! I had stopped smoking entirely at night! 

Ah well, suppose I'll have to try something else.

At least shaping the thumb on these means using pretty stitch markers! 

Long Day with Little Knitting & The Hiatus of The Mood Blanket

Today was a long long long day. With little knitting. The Husbando and I scrambled around trying to find proof of his education as his diploma has been lost in or several moves over five years. Eventually we got a pdf copy of his transcript which sufficiently worked for his new job. Then he went in to finish new hire paperwork, I did chores around the house and made him lunch. We then went to tell his other job offer we were super sorry he couldn't take that job, and to turn in his keys at his old job, and to do grocery shopping and to get new shoes for his new job. I'm hot and tired and a little cranky. But I did get to knit the honey cowl and drink a pumpkin milkshake on the drive!

It's coming along so nicely, I think it's nearly there, nearly done. 

Remember how I said I was starting to resent my Mood Blanket squares a bit? And I didn't want to knit those intentions into it? Well I've been thinking about it a lot, and since I'm growing a little sick of it I think I might take a tiny break from the blanket. Instead of just a one day break or whatever, I might just put it away for now. Knitting is for fun! And it's a HUGE project, and I am growing tired of it. So it's there for when I'm ready for it again. But for now, it's on a break. And I'm okay with that.

So today was a bit stressful and I feel a bit icky now. Overall, I feel like things are going to be looking up from here on out.

I really, REALLY hope so.

Plus look! Pumpkin and Halloween stuff! And the Husbando surprised me with tsum tsum pascal and rapunzel to join me with knitting!

Prayers and Good Vibes!!

Today The Husbando went in for two job interviews. He got one very good job offer, which made us very happy. But then he got a job offer that was VERY GOOD in his DREAM JOB CAREER and he is SO HAPPY. SO THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH THOSE OF YOU WHO GAVE US PRAYERS AND GOOD VIBES! He goes in to finish paperwork tomorrow and will be starting Monday. We are SO BLESSED.

I started knitting a simple easy dishcloth for my mom for her Christmas Dishcloth Set. I'm not doing this week's Dishcloth Weekly Knit a Long pattern simply because with how stressful everything has been around here, I don't have time to learn all the new techniques! Instead I'm attempting The Waffle Dishcloth with my own added garter border. So far I can't really see the pattern showing up but I'm only 3 repeats in.

I also did a few rounds on my Honey Cowl. I really want to knock it out because I want to see how much blue yarn I have left, see if there is any left for the Fellowship of the Fingerless CAL Mitts!

And I've decided to take a break from the blanket today. I know it's another cheat day close to my last one. I've just been really stressed out lately, and I'm starting to resent the blanket squares a little and I don't want that. So a break today from it is okay with me.

Things will be a little wild again for a bit, but that's okay. Prayers and good vibes are still appreciated until things settle down! 

Fingerless Friends CAL

I didn't update yesterday because I took a break. I didn't knit, I used a cheat day for my blanket square, I just read and played video games. We're going through some hard times here. The Husbando has been put on suspension from his job, which he believes means he will probably lose his job. So he is scrambling to find a new job, we're a bit stressed about financial situations, and he's very upset since the reasons they said were completely false and made up. However, we are blessed we live with my parents who will help us out during this time, blessed that The Husbando is very employable, and blessed for a lot of different reasons in general. So is life. We will make it work. It all goes on.

In exciting happy news!!! Today is the start of the Fellowship of the Fingerless Craft A Long! A group of friends on Instagram decided we wanted a craft a long to make fingerless mitts, with no real rules and no time limit, just a place to share our pictures and help each other out! So I'm making matching mitts for my honey cowl. You should join us! On Instagram we use the hash tag #FingerlessFriendsCAL !!

I decided to use the pattern Easy Fingerless Mitts and was nervous because it involves knitting in the round which means of course double pointed needles and you all know I'm terrible at that.

But it went well! I successfully cast on and knit my first round!!!

I decided to make a smaller cuff so that I would have enough wool for both mitts and my honey cowl. I just can't believe how well I'm doing at knitting in the round on double pointed needles! And I'm enjoying it! A lot! This has been so cool, I'm so happy! 

I also finished knitting the cuff for the second of the Snow Day Slippers I am making my mom for Christmas today! Woo!!! On the home stretch now!!! 

And today's blanket square: 

It's supposed to be the checks and ridges pattern but I don't think you can see it. 

I decided to make today's color a good day. Even with its ups and downs lately today was good. My knitting was on point, I read a lot, and The Husbando has two interviews lined up for tomorrow! 

All in all, I am very blessed. 

A Knitting Break

After my severe lack of motivation problem, I tried casting on the second Snow Day slipper.

I knit three rows and decided this wasn't working.

I still don't feel motivated. I don't want to be doing this. And I don't want to lose my mojo and burn out like I did before. 

So instead I put the needles down and deemed today a break day. 

I'm playing Pokémon Alpha Sapphire with my sister instead.

But I did get AMAZING yarn related mail today!!! My friend BijouxGardenGifts sent me the most LOVELY and amazing package!!! A beautiful project bag that is so spacious and holds two balls of wool, my honey cowl, and the circular needles! And lovely Harry Potter stitch markers!!! The gift was so beautiful and made me so happy and smile so much! I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life.

And today's blanket square is hopeful and excited in garter stitch. I'm excited for an upcoming KAL with friends, and the new bag and stitch markers! I'm hopeful because things are finally looking up!

I will be starting the second Harry potter book tonight

and probably...knitting...a little bit...because I'm not so much good at taking a break....

A Severe Lack of Motivation

I have a bad case of IDWTDA or "I Don't Want To Do Anything." It happens sometimes when the weather starts to change and there's been a few days off in a row, or there have been a lot of busy days all lumped together.

The symptoms of IDWTDA are:

• Lazing around on the couch, sometimes in pajamas, usually with ones hair pulled back into a sloppy bun or ponytail
• A general look of vacancy, usually into ones phone, tablet, or other handheld Internet device (rest assured they are using said device for click bait or vines, not productive things)
• A grumpy attitude, moaning, and eye rolling whenever asked to do something, followed by a "can't youuuuuuu do it???"
• Putting of things until the last possible second-and I mean last. Husband's work clothes need to be put in the dryer? Don't put them in until 10 minutes before he has to go. They will be dry before he has to leave, surely. 

There are even rumors that IDWTDA is contagious, that seeing your lack of motivation and bad attitude will slowly seep into any roaming mini humans you have. I have yet to see this first hand, but beware of it. 

Because of this, I did not cast on for the second Snow Day Slipper today. Instead I sat on the couch and occasionally knit on my Honey Cowl. I know, I said I was going to be the Most Productive Person in the World this week. That I would Totally Have All My WIPS Done. 

I so overestimated my knitting ability. It's Friday and I have one slipper done. I knit an inch on the Nell's Sea Silk Scarf. And instead of chugging away at the slipper that I probably could finish by Sunday I'm working on a cowl that I probably can't finish by Sunday. 

Sigh. 

Life is just in a weird place lately. With job transitions and getting used to things, weather changes, and things like that, it's been a lot. Just a lot. In general. And knitting the honey cowl is relaxing, the yarn is soft and feels good in my fingers, I like the way the pattern feels, I like watching it get bigger. So that's what I'm working on. I'm trying to not feel guilty about it. I do feel a bit guilty about it. It's okay though, I have time to work my emotions about everything out.

Probably while laying on the couch watching vines about puppies.

It's about 3inches long so I have 8 more inches to go!

It's so lovely though 

It's coming along so nicely though 

I'm also struggling with the fact I don't think I'm as fast of a knitter as others, or as good as them. I'm really doubting myself and being really hard on myself lately. And I'm so tired, and have had terrible migraines and stomachs lately. I'm a mess LOL. Oh well, what can you do? FrogGetItAboutIt and move on. So is life.

Today's blanket square is a tired one. In bamboo stitch.