A Finished Herald Shawl

I have finished, completely, The Herald Shawl. I used a Blueberry Cheesecake Caron Cake. It's gorgeous and soft and warm.

I even blocked it, it was my first experience with blocking. 

Elenvty billion pins and thank you to my sister and The Husbando for helping me. 

This project has meant a lot to me. Through brain fog and depressive episodes and Resentment and Darkness and Mixed Emotions and Adulthood.

It means a lot. I love it so much. It's like giving myself a huge.

It's been a cathartic experience. It's helped me heal. It's helped me in ways I can't describe. I know a lot of people would say "it's just knitting, get over it" but it was a lot too me. And I'm really happy I stuck with it and it turned out so pretty. 

Now that it's over I'm going to finish the partner to my first sock, finish my mom's slippers, work on my sisters mistake rib scarf, make a dishcloth, and maybe cast on my husband's birthday Honey Cowl. That is until my birthday. Because I will be hopefully going to a nearby yarn shop for the birthday and I want to buy some new yarns to play with and that will lead to new projects. My birthday is in under ten days!!!!!! 

My Amazon Wishlist ///
My Knit Picks Wishlist  (this is under the husbando's name but is mine)

October-Pumpkin Festival and Birthday Wishes.

Today is the first of October! My favorite month in the entire year ever. Because I LOVE AUTUMN AND I LOVE HALLOWEEN AND I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY WHICH IS OCTOBER 15TH! (P.S if you want to totally buy me a birthday present I have wishlists! The knit picks one is under my husband's name cause he's the card holder/yarn sugar daddy but it's mine Here's a Linky to the Amazon Wishlist and here's A Linky to the Knit Picks Wishlist. I also have some patterns on my rav wishlist but I dunno how to link them haha.)

Today being the first day of October our town had a Pumpkin Festival! Unfortunately, The Husbando had to work, but the rest of the family and I went. On the way I continued my work on The Herald Shawl in the Car, it's getting quite large now, and almost done! I'm hoping to have it done and blocked in 15 days-by my birthday so I can wear it to the yarn shop I want to go to! I even contacted the local artist guild about the handmade shawl pins and prices just for it.

In the car

With ruler for reference 

But back to the pumpkin festival! It was quite fun! My parents bought me cotton candy and a pumpkin bracelet, my sister picked me out a gorgeous blue alpaca yarn from a local vendor that will make a beautiful shawl but I can't have it until my birthday! There were rides and everything! The town was hopping!! 

I've been also thinking that since I don't have enough on my plate with knitting Christmas gifts, and The Husbando's birthday, and etc, I might try participating in Socktober and make my first pair of socks using Silver's Sock Class. I have some yarn already balled and ready to go for it. I just have to commit. Oh jeez.

I'm really hoping with the help of the Herald Shawl and the start of October I'm coming out of the depressive episode I was in. The fog is starting to clear and my energy is coming back. I am blessed and I am thankful.

Pokémon and the Herald Shawl, of course.

I told you, the brain fog of depressive episodes has a death grip on my want to write blog posts. On my want to knit any real projects really. I've just been knitting real slowly. Really, really slowly. Mostly I've been making a lot of headway on the Herald Shawl. It's turning out really lovely and it's going to mean so much to me and it's turning out that I love shawl knitting so much.

I finished rereading the entire Harry Potter series, ending with the Cursed Child. I love that series so much. It means so much to me. 

I started reading The Ocean at The End of The Lane by Neil Gaiman. I needed a little fantasy and magic in my life. 

And my sister and I have been playing a lot of Pokémon lately. We've been chaining for shiny Pokémon and today since The Husbando is off we are watching the Pokémon Diamond and Pearl anime. It's really been a lot of fun and super soothing. My alpha sapphire team is coming along nicely and I have a shiny poochyena named Butterscotch!! 

It may seem silly or childish but the Herald Shawl and Pokémon are what have been helping me through the brain fog this time. I'm really thankful for them. 

I'm sure soon it'll be time to come out of the dark woods in my brain. Hang in there folks, I'll be back to regular posting soon! X

Have a silly picture of my cutie pies for now:

P.S I'd also really like to thank the Fingerless Friends CAL group and my knitting friends, they are the best and they always make me laugh and smile everyday. You all are the best. 

It's Been a While: Darkness.

I know I haven't been too good at updating lately. Or being a friend. Or staying in touch.

I've been struggling with my mental health. I think I'm crashing into a depressive episode and I'm finding it hard to want to do anything, I'm finding it hard to find motivation. It's like there is a large swallowing hole inside me. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. I'm sorry.

I've been working here and there on some knitting projects. A bit on my mom's snow day slippers a bit on my  sister's mistake rib scarf, I cast on for The Husbando's birthday mitts. But none of these things light a fire inside of me. They're work. I force myself to do a little every morning. I know I'll love the end product and I'll love giving them to their owners, but I don't know.

It's a deep emptiness lately.

I've been filling it with two things. Reading and knitting the Herald Shawl.

I've been rereading Harry Potter and Darkness is My Only Companion a Christian Response to Mental Illness. I find both are very helpful in guiding me out of my own "darkness." The latter is extremely well written and a very good read for anyone who has bipolar disorder and is Christian. Or is mentally ill for that matter.

The Herald Shawl seems to be the only thing holding my interest in knitting lately. I knit my hopes, my thoughts, my sadness into it. I knit my dust ration out onto it. I knit and think through everything.

I knit it and think through my resentment about how I've been told I can't have babies because of my bipolar disorder and ocd. I knit it and cry. I knit it and feel better. I knit it and smile and laugh and play video games with my sister and The Husbando and feel like the sun will shine tomorrow. I knit it when I curl up on the kitchen floor overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and am convinced the sun won't shine tomorrow. Either way, every day at least one repetition of the 8 rows gets knit. And it's helping me, A LOT. 

And it'll pass. The darkness. It always does. I probably messed up taking my medication once or twice this week, and need to be more careful about that. But I know it'll pass. I'm stronger than the darkness. My God is a brighter light than the darkness. 

Until then, bare with my fewer updates. I'll try to be better at it. Xo. 

Herald Shawl and Monday

It's Monday! I'm so tired. My head hurts. But today is The Husbando's first day at his new job, woo!! Send him prayers and good vibes for a good first week!!

I worked on the Mistake Rib Scarf for my sister for Christmas this morning, before making her lunch and before chasing one of our chickens as they got loose. Never a dull day on the homestead!

The Bulky Wool of the Andes is a dream to knit with, it's so soft and lovely. It'll make a great scarf for my sister. 

Yesterday I also started the Herald Shawl, which is my first Not-A-Rectangle shawl ever. I'm using a Caron Cake in Blueberry Cheesecake. 

This pattern is so easy and so lovely and I am loving the yarn. It's soft, a dream to work with, and doesn't split. And this shawl is representing a lot of emotions for me. I'm working through a lot of mixed feelings while knitting it.

It's like, I'm finally fully an adult. We're getting a bank account with our names. We're married. We're getting life insurance. We think about those things. We do bills. 

We're happy spending our nights cuddled in bed talking and watching food network and cheesey TV. 

This is so different then the life I was living a year or two ago. So different than when The Husbando worked at a bar. Then when we lived in a city. 

Everything is different. And I love it. But this is a new life, a new chapter, and I barely recognize this new life. 

It's just been hitting me lately with my birthday coming up, with the one year of living here mark coming up.

And I started this week's Dishcloth Weekly Knit a Long Mystery Cloth.

Finished Projects, Family Outings, and Seven or More WIPs.

Since I've decided to take a break from knitting the second mitt, I'm going to show you my finished Honey Cowl and the one matching mitt!!

I'm really proud of the cowl, the mitt is a bit tight on the top but I like it too! 

I also finished the Waffle Dishcloth as one of my mom's set for Christmas. 

I added 3 rows of garter to the top and bottom and three knit stitches to the side to make a garter border! It turned out pretty, I don't see the waffle. Dunno why. Really gotta figure that out. 

Life has been SO SO BUSY lately. It's hard to keep up with everything. I feel like I'm juggling fine china and just about to drop it all! It's a wee bit stressful. 

My parents surprised us all and took us too an apple orchard and Starbucks this weekend though! It was a LOT of fun! I love hanging out with my family and doing fall themed things! 

We got Honey Crisp apples, cheese that has tomato and basil in it, candy sticks, honey sticks for tea, and apple cider slushies. At Starbucks I got a pumpkin spice Frappuccino and cake pop! 

And when I got home I had a package from Tory from ThePaupersCloset/ShireFolkYarn!! 

So many goodies!!! Coffee syrup (the Rhode Island thing haha!), handmade soap, a Caron Cake, the section of her traveling scarf, and A BEAUTIFULLY DYED JUST FOR ME YARN!!!!! 

It's so soft and lovely and is named Experiment 626 Has Escaped! It's based of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch in his Prison suit with his alien blaster. 

It's SO GORGEOUS. I AM IN LOVE WITH IT. SO MUCH. TORY IS AMAZING AND HAS A GIFT. A TRUE ARTIST. I am blessed to have her as a pen pal and friend. 

I also have a WIP problem right now haha.

I have....seven current Works In Progress. 

Seven. 

I have the Snow Day Slippers for my mom for Christmas, which has one slipper done and the cuff of the second one. 

The Fingerless Friends CAL mitts that match my honey cowl, which has one done but has 0 done on the second one. I'm still on the fence about the second one which is why I'm taking a break. 

Nell's Sea Silk Scarf which I love but I need to sit down and focus on to knit so it ends up on the back burner a lot.

Dishcloths for my mom (assorted) one at a time.

The section of the traveling scarf for Tory (I have such a good idea for this, but I can't start it until October 1st I think!) 

My sister's Mistake Rib Scarf for Christmas, which I started on the drive to the orchard. 

And of course, because I can't resist casting things on. I need to start a new project right away with the Caron Cake. I'm starting a shawl with it, Herald! 

And this morning I learned how to cook scrambled eggs! So I made the husband a big breakfast since he starts his first day of his new job tomorrow! 

Hash browns with honey crisp apples onions and bell peppers, toast, scrambled eggs with cheese that has tomato and basil in it! 

Phew. I think that's all I had to update. Today I'm just taking it easy and playing video games.