Socktober 2nd!~

Yeah, that's right. I said I need to finish Christmas present knits and my husband's birthday knit.

Instead I cast on for my first sock for Socktober and Operation Sock Drawer. Like I said I'm using Silver's Sock Class although I'm tweaking it a bit to make it a bit easier. I made the cuff k1p1 and then the ankle garter down to the heal since that is easier for me with dpn. I'm using a worsted red heart yarn since my last attempt at socks with actual sock yarn was a disaster. This time seems to be going much easier, I'm still nervous and excited at the same time.

I also am now rereading Library of Souls! I really love this series and forgot how much I loved it.

I've knit this much of the ankle today. The pattern says to go for 8 inches- or less if desired which leads me to wonder what I should do from here. I know this part is your ankle which leads to your heel, I don't normally wear socks with very big ankles, so I wonder if I should stop here and go to the heel. It just doesn't seem like much cuff. Hmmm. I suppose I'll knit some of my Herald shawl and think on it some. Either way, I'm quite proud of how my first ever sock is turning out!! 

I've had a runny nose and migraine all day and it's making me a smidgen cranky. 

It's Been a While: Darkness.

I know I haven't been too good at updating lately. Or being a friend. Or staying in touch.

I've been struggling with my mental health. I think I'm crashing into a depressive episode and I'm finding it hard to want to do anything, I'm finding it hard to find motivation. It's like there is a large swallowing hole inside me. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. I'm sorry.

I've been working here and there on some knitting projects. A bit on my mom's snow day slippers a bit on my  sister's mistake rib scarf, I cast on for The Husbando's birthday mitts. But none of these things light a fire inside of me. They're work. I force myself to do a little every morning. I know I'll love the end product and I'll love giving them to their owners, but I don't know.

It's a deep emptiness lately.

I've been filling it with two things. Reading and knitting the Herald Shawl.

I've been rereading Harry Potter and Darkness is My Only Companion a Christian Response to Mental Illness. I find both are very helpful in guiding me out of my own "darkness." The latter is extremely well written and a very good read for anyone who has bipolar disorder and is Christian. Or is mentally ill for that matter.

The Herald Shawl seems to be the only thing holding my interest in knitting lately. I knit my hopes, my thoughts, my sadness into it. I knit my dust ration out onto it. I knit and think through everything.

I knit it and think through my resentment about how I've been told I can't have babies because of my bipolar disorder and ocd. I knit it and cry. I knit it and feel better. I knit it and smile and laugh and play video games with my sister and The Husbando and feel like the sun will shine tomorrow. I knit it when I curl up on the kitchen floor overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and am convinced the sun won't shine tomorrow. Either way, every day at least one repetition of the 8 rows gets knit. And it's helping me, A LOT. 

And it'll pass. The darkness. It always does. I probably messed up taking my medication once or twice this week, and need to be more careful about that. But I know it'll pass. I'm stronger than the darkness. My God is a brighter light than the darkness. 

Until then, bare with my fewer updates. I'll try to be better at it. Xo. 

A Regular Day

It's been a good day, a regular ole day around here with not much to report about. Now that the weekend is over everyone is going back to daily chores and work. I swept and mopped the house and started the accidently neglected laundry today. The good news is that The Husbando is off for two days after today!
And I spent my morning chugging away at the Snow Day Slippers for my mom's Christmas present. Knitting one of them is taking longer than I expected.

I also finished reading Knitting, a Novel this morning while working on the slipper. It was a good read, very interesting, a bit odd and not quite what I was expecting. It wasn't as life changing as I thought it would be given all the rave reviews I had heard about it. But it was a good read still.

The one thing that did bother me a bit about it was that in parts it painted knitting for yourself in a somewhat negative light. I quite enjoy knitting things for myself, it helps me think and not be so stressed to have things be perfect, knitting is my me time and my outlet. I'm a process knitter. I knit things for others too, but I really enjoy knitting for myself. It's my method of self care. I don't think anything is wrong with that.

Now I'm not sure what to read. I toyed around with reading Possible Side Effects but meh. I might reread Harry Potter. I do that a lot. It's my comforting space. And with fall coming up it just feels right.

I did a lot of work on my Honey Cowl, it's now wearable. Kind of. I really dig these colors on me at least. They make my eyes pop! I'm still neglecting my Nell's Sea Silk Scarf though.

So all in all a good day. I played with my blanket square a bit today. Tried to do a stockinette type border with a garter center type of thing. 

Labor Day Knits

Labor day is a day off for laborers right? Well its supposed to be? The Husbando has too work he has been closing and working a LOT lately. I feel so bad for him. I'm showering him in cookies and back massages and loving texts, but I'm sure he can't wait for a day off!

As for me, I'm doing very little housework as possible and celebrating the day off by knitting as much as possible.

I started by making a bit of progress on my mom's Christmas present, the Snow Day Slippers. I still have a ways to go on the foot bed of the first one, but I needed a break from continously knitting k1 p1.

I also knit my blanket square early today, a homey one with ribbing. It's been a nice day with a big family dinner and lots of knitting. And I started reading Knitting, A Novel. I'm taking a break from the Seaside Knitters Novels, I just am in a weird reading space. I'm not sure what I want to read. My brain feels fuzzy lately. 

And I did some porch knitting, I got two rounds of the honey cowl done today. I must be losing it to knit with wool when it's 90 out still. So hot. 

I will spend my evening reading, knitting, and with a big bowl of candy and salt and vinegar kettle chips. All in all a good day. 

Dye Day!! (Tory Don't Read!!!)

Today is yarn dying day!!!! I woke up early, got the chores done and rushed out to the post office to mail some letters and stop by the farmers market to get Tory's yarn to dye. It's 100% alpaca and fingering weight.

The farmers market 

Yarn predye

And presoak!

I love the dying process. It's exciting and a little nerve-wracking. It's a creative process, so many things could go wrong. I'm a glutton so punishment. What can I say?

But I think things went off without a hitch this time. Since Tory loves Lord of The Rings I decided to dye Mount Doom colored yarn. Here is a progress picture:

Now I knew the colors wouldn't stay quite like that after the 30 minute simmer. They would darken and the red would take over some of the yellow, but I figured it would still look like lava and Mount Doom.  But the 30 minutes of weight was giving me stress ulcers for sure.

But I think it came out lovely, the colors darkened but to make a lovely slow gradient from orange to red with yellow in there, the perfect lava.

Outside drying, which will take forever in this overcast humidity. 

Isn't it so pretty??? I hope Tory loves it!! 

While it dries I plan to work more on the dishcloths for the woman at the artist guild. I also did the math with The Husbando last night and at the rate with with I knit now, my current planned Christmas projects should be done by April 2017. I only cried and laughed hysterically a little bit. I swear. I always bite off more than I can chew. But I work well when push comes to shove. So I'm not worried yet. Maybe a little manic, yeah. But not worried.

I also made triple chocolate cookies today.

Chocolate chips, chocolate batter, chocolate milk, nutmeg, and just a little sage. 

And I had all this done before noon today. So I am probably a bit manic.

But when the yarn was done drying I then rolled it into ready to knit balls, wrapped it up in pretty ribbon so Tory could tell where to beginning was, and attached pretty watercolor wash tags to it!!

I really hope she likes it, the package will be going out towards her tomorrow!!! 

I'm really pleased with how these dye colors turned out, they're a bit lighter in person and some of the blank alpaca shoes through which I kind of think lends to the whole "hot lava" thing. I wanted to make mount doom for her because it's the center of the books, the beginning and the end of them. Its the place Sam and Frodo go together.

And I finished one of the set of dishcloths for the woman at the artist guild today! It looks good in neon fleck. Mania is good for being overly productive. 

I decided to make a manic/wildfire blanket square today as I am a touch speedy, I did run around getting an awful lot done without stopping at all. But I will make sure to ground myself tonight and drink lots of water and relax and read more Yarn Harlow Secret Life of Knitter and work on the second of the pair of dishcloths. I chose to do this square in a Scallops Pattern because it looks a bit like a sunrise and I feel like that fit today overall! This also involved learning how to PSSO!

That's all for today!

Deadline Knitting for the Process Knitter

I made a good start on the dishcloths last night. I started one and got past the seed stitch border rows and the first 4 repeat row, so a pretty good start! And I knit all morning while reading Yarn Harlot Secret Life of a Knitter (which has been HILARIOUS! and oh so relatable!!!)

Also, this yarn is so soft. 

It's been rainy today so I also got some snail mail writing done. Rainy days are perfect for writing snail mail. I plan to plop them in the mail box on the way to the farmers market to get my blank alpaca yarn for dying tomorrow. Hopefully the rain let's up by then. Barn chores are miserable in this rain and drying yarn is miserable in this rain. Sigh. 

And I decided that since I'm so excited about dying yarn tomorrow and mailing Tory her package and knitting these dishcloths for the woman at the Artists Guild to knit the blanket square today in excited and the same same pattern as the dishcloths. The downside of this is that my eyes feel like they are bleeding with the pattern now. I will probably dream in the pattern. By the end of this I will never want to knit this pattern again. I asked the husbando if I was close to done with my blanket square at one point and he said I should probably do four more rows, I considered stabbing him with my sharp pointy sticks.

I kid, of course.

And now back to knitting the dishcloths. I'm learning that deadline knitting might not be my cup of tea since I may be more of a process knitter than a product knitter. I like switching in between patterns. Which is why I usually have so many WIPs going! But I will carry on, the dishcloths will prevail, pray for me and my eyeballs and sanity. Slipped stitches, awayyyy!!!!!! 

Shooting Stars

Last night The Husbando, sister, and I went out to see if we could see a meteor shower that was supposed to be happening. I ended up seeing my first shooting star! Not just one, but four! It was truly magical.

And I finished Death by Cashmere which was so good, the visuals of yarn and knitting were so good. There is a pattern at the end for the scarf that Nell wore in the book too. It looks pretty easy and only calls for one skein of yarn. So I'm thinking that after I finish one of my current projects I'll start a scarf for myself with this pattern. It'll be special because it's from a book that brought me comfort when I was ill, from a yarn that was a special gift from The Husbando, and I plan to wear it when we go into the city for my birthday. The yarn is Halloween Town's Finest Trick or Treaters by MsMonsterCreations and The Husbando graciously treated me to it because of my love for The Nightmare Before Christmas.

It will make a soft, glittery, perfect for fall scarf. 

It will also be the first garment I make for myself. So far I've knit a lot for others. A headband for mom, failed hat for dad, coin purse for my sister, gameboy case for The Husbando, shawl for mom.... It will be nice to knit myself a nice wearable garment (although I did knit myself a lovely neck pillow and a 2ds sleeve). 

Last night I also found out that on my Kindle I can download tons of free cozy mystery novels! I'm so excited. I don't know how many of them will be good, but I'll read pretty much any mystery or thriller. I love them. They're like chocolate ice cream. But before I read those I'm reading The Girl On The Train as its a library book and has a due date.

This yarn knit up reminds me of summer and watermelon. 

I'm also making progress on this week's dishcloth knit a long. I can finally see the pattern showing up so that is exciting. It's my first pattern that has a border!!!

I decided this morning I wanted to add a magical square to my blanket. I mean, I saw my first shooting star last night! And I found the perfect pattern for the special Nightmare Before Christmas yarn I have! No today wasn't perfect, but it did have its own magic. Moments where things were just right. When things were quiet and the sun filtered in through the door and I got to think about how blessed I am. When both of my cats were next to me while I knit. When I finally got to take a picture of my knitting next to flowers. And in truth, don't we make our own magic? To make it seem even more magical I used the Mermaid Tail Stitch for this square.

Bed rest for the active knitter

After yesterday spending all day at the hospital and asleep and on so many medications, I woke up relieved to be feeling a lot better. My side still hurt a little, the spot where my IV was, was a mess, I felt a bit achey and feverish with a headache, but no nausea and I wasn't uncoherent with pain. So much better.

But I'm not allowed to be very active or play with the horses or exert myself too much. Which is very very hard for someone like me. Knitting is about the only time I stand still, and sometimes I pop a ball of yarn in my pocket and walk while knitting.

Laying down all day? Not playing with my horse or doing anything outside? Torture.

At least there is a new Tavern Brawl on Hearthstone to occupy me for a bit. 

It really sucked because my sister and The Husbando got to go to the library in town today and I didn't. I just got to stay on the couch with a blanket and rest. It's been literally the hardest part of recovery. 

The animals are trying to help by snuggling me a lot. Thomas the Great is pictured here. 

But when they came back from the library they came bringing surprises to cheer me up! A slushie, cheezits, and mystery thriller books! The Girl On The Train and Death by Cashmere. Death by Cashmere is a "Seaside Knitters Mystery" which makes me super excited for it. Mystery novel and knitting. Double win!!!

I decided to start Death by Cashmere and knit my blanket square for the day. By page 58 I was hooked, I wasn't moping around being bed bound anymore, and I asked my husband to request the second one from the library. I loved the town, I loved the characters, I loves the visuals of yarn and a group of knitting friends. I wanted to know what happened! I wanted to read during family dinner! I didn't want to stop! 

I finished my blanket square and about half the book today. The color square for today is homey and comfortable. Even though I am feeling a bit of discomfort and pain still, I am home and comfortable and loved and happy to be here with my family. I am blessed that I didn't need surgery or to be admitted to the hospital, blessed that I got to come home and be with people I love. Blessed to have a husband and sister who will bring me books and snacks and slushies to feel better. I used The Weekly Stitch's Wavy Rib since waves gave me a nice vibe of the Seaside Knitters Mystery books. 

I did get to go outside and play with my horse for a bit and take pictures of my knitting, Lucy isn't real impressed with it.

And look, zucchini from my garden! 

And now it's time to snuggle in bed with The Husbando and watch food network and start my Dishcloth Weekly Knit along. Can you believe tomorrow is Thursday??